I was never a scarecrow
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: The Goblet of Fire doesn't just bind you to compete, it insures you will, calling you from wherever you may be for each event. So what happens if you happen to be under wards that are more powerful than the goblet itself?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and it's various associated properties are owned by JK Rowling and not myself.**

Harry had just reached into his storage compartment for a new quill when the air around him rippled and he found himself sitting outside, table and all. He blinked in the sudden light and noise from the large crowd filing the stands surrounding the area.

"Harry did you forget about the tournament?" Dumbledore asked concerned from where he sat with the judges at the Tri-Wizard.

Harry looked... off. Normally Harry looked like he'd stepped off the pages of Oliver Twist, a half starved beggar with messy hair and poor posture, but at the moment Harry looked quite different, he looked well fed, he was dressed extraordinarily well, and his hair and posture both looked perfect, though it looked like he was missing half an arm.

Harry's arm reappeared holding a quill which he set on the table before standing up. The table piled high with papers and books, vanished a moment later. "What's all this then?" he asked completely confused.

"It's probably just a side effect of the Goblet being forced to summon him," Karkaroff sneered.

"Harry, I don't have time to explain now, but you have to compete in the tournament. Since you weren't here, the Goblet summoned you, which seems to have affected your memory. I'll have Madam Pomphrey look you over after you compete in the first event."

Harry nodded and followed a chubby older wizard who lead him into a tent.

"Now that Potter is here we can begin," he commented.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0**

Harry stepped out into the arena opposite an enormous dragon that roared and blew a huge cone of flame into the air before slamming a spiked tail into the ground, warning him from coming near her nest, atop which a golden egg glittered brightly.

"Begin!" a voice announced and Harry considered his options as he carefully stepped forward. Lockhart had taught him that it wasn't enough to win, you had to look good doing it, and a lot of trouble could be avoided by convincing people that going against you was useless. Pulling his wand from his sleeve, without varying his stride, he cast a bubblehead charm, but instead of tapping his own head he flicked his wand forward and the tip vanished for an instant, though it was impossible to notice from over a foot away, and a rainbow sheen encompassed the Dragon's head for a moment, which also went completely unnoticed as everyone had been staring at Harry.

The dragon breathed flame again and roared, but Harry continued forward as if it was of no consequence. To the spectators it looked like the dragon was afraid of Harry as it began to pant for breath and tremble at his approach, falling unconscious while he was still a dozen feet away. Harry ignored the roar of the crowd, pretending he wasn't concerned as he picked up the golden egg and departed, casting a wandless finite only after he was out of range of possible retaliation.

The judges were just scoring him when a pair of Aurors appeared with a second Harry Potter.

It was instant pandemonium.

"Quiet!" Dumbledore yelled, casting a blasting charm to get everyone's attention. "Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes," both Harry's agreed.

"Harry James Potter?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes," they both repeated while watching each other curiously.

"He was taken into custody by order of the Ministry," one of the Aurors said. "Turns out it was a paperwork mixup, so we're just returning him now."

"I would like to see that paperwork," Dumbledore said, ignoring there being two Harry's for the moment. "As I gave no authorization, nor was I notified one of the students under my care was to be arrested as is required."

"It came straight from the Minister's office, but it turned out to be a mistake," the Auror said nervously.

"A mistake that could have cost him his magic," Dumbledore said angrily, as he saw this for what it was, an attack on one of his students.

"Never mind that," Karkaroff said, "how can there be two of him?"

"Yes, how are there two of me?" the newly arrived Harry asked.

"Don't look at me, I was summoned here by some Goblet," Harry said with a shrug.

"You're a Ravenclaw," Harry said, surprised.

"And you're a Gryffindor?" Harry replied confused.

"Let's tally up the scores you can settle this later," the chubby older wizard from earlier said.

"Very well," Dumbledore agreed. Waving his wand, Dumbledore created a ribbon that spelled out ten. "I award ten points for the first task."

The enormous woman sitting next to him gave Harry a nine, and the surly brooding man on the end scored him a six, which caused a lot of booing from the stands.

"If you two will kindly see Madam Pomphrey, perhaps she can shed some light on the matter," Dumbledore said waving them towards the medical tent.

Harry nodded and put the egg in storage, his hand and part of his arm vanishing for a moment as he did so, causing the Gryffindor Harry to raise an eyebrow and ask, "How did you do that?"

"Every year I've had people trying to kill me," Ravenclaw Harry said. "So I've developed quite a few tricks. However if people knew how I did things that makes it easier for them to figure ways around them to attack me, so I never explain. Instead I quote an ancient philosopher and brilliant tactician who, when asked how he did what he did, simply replied, 'Fuck you, that's how.'"

Gryffindor Harry laughed and held open the tent flap for Ravenclaw Harry to enter, who then got hit with a brown haired missile who squeezed him tightly and spoke too fast to be understood.

"What the hell?!" Ron exclaimed.

"Language!" Hermione scolded, letting go of Harry and noting there was two of them. "What the hell?!"

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed only to be ignored.

"Harry," Hermione said cautiously, "why is there two of you?"

"Ravenclaw?" Ron asked, being the first one who noticed his robe's trim.

"They summoned me with the Goblet," Ravenclaw Harry said. "Apparently that has something to do with it. Call me Potter, if you don't mind."

"Ron, what are you doing here?" Harry asked, as he thought over Ron's earlier reactions to his being champion.

"I... I think someone's trying to kill you," Ron admitted. "When you faced that dragon... er, when Potter faced that dragon, I thought I was going to puke."

"I told you," Harry said, "I didn't enter my name in the tournament."

"I know and I should have listened... I'm sorry," Ron said with a wince as if in pain.

"Well... at least you know now," Harry said accepting his apology. "Wait, does this mean I don't have to compete?"

"I still need an explanation for what's going on," Potter reminded them, just before Madam Pomphrey got finished checking on the others and entered the tent.

"Harry?" she said surprised, having been busy and not seen the events outside the tent.

"I go by Potter for now," Ravenclaw Harry explained. "I was the one who retrieved the egg."

"How did you do that?" Hermione wondered.

"Fuck you, that's how," Potter said calmly.

"Watch the language please," Pomphrey said primly.

"I'm just quoting an ancient tactician," Potter said firmly. "Telling everyone how you do things when people are out to get you is a sure fire way to get killed."

"Be that as it may, please find an alternate wording in my presence, please," the school nurse said, already concentrating on her scans.

"Of course Madam," Potter replied.

"You two are closer than twins," she said after she'd completed her scans. "You you need to eat more," she told Harry. "And-"

"Confidentiality," Potter interrupted her before she could say anything about him.

"Right." She blushed a little. "You're both fine and both Harry James Potter, as far as I can tell."

"And this is normal?" Hermione asked after a momentary silence.

"No, but strange things happen with magic," Pomphrey said with a shrug. "If you'd seen some of the things I've seen over the last twenty years you'd never need hair straightener."

"Is there a procedure for this?" Hermione asked.

"Normally we simply send a letter home to their parents and let them file an additional birth announcement with the Ministry," Pomphrey said with a shrug. "This is by no means common, but similar things have occurred."

"Time turner accidents?" Potter guessed.

"At least twice that I know of," Pomphrey agreed. "It seems to be split between both vanishing from existence and being left with two people, so no one in their right mind intentionally tries to recreate such an incident."

"So we can't return him home?" Harry asked. "No offense, I just figured you'd rather be home than here."

Potter shook his head. "One Hogwarts is as good as another to me, and in this one I get to shed that stupid Boy-Who-lived nonsense."

"No one has managed to prove they've successfully sent someone to a parallel universe much less a certain one," Pomphrey said. "I'm afraid you'll just have to deal with having a twin."

"I guess that means I've got a brother now," Harry said.

Ron froze for a second as a horrible thought hits him. "You don't play seeker for Ravenclaw, do you?"

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't play Quidditch," Potter said much to Ron's relief as they walked towards the castle.

"You are remarkably calm for someone who's been pulled into an alternate reality," Hermione noted.

"Alter- what?" Ron asked.

"Well you see every decision..." Hermione trailed off. "A world where Harry was sorted into Ravenclaw rather than Gryffindor." She wasn't going to spend fifteen minutes explaining things to someone who didn't care and would never remember them.

"I didn't have much holding me there," Potter said with a shrug.

"What about your friends?" Harry asked.

"What friends?" Potter asked.

"Ron and Hermione?" Harry said waving at his two best friends.

"Miss Granger hasn't liked me since I called her on her lie on the Hogwarts Express, and the fact that I regularly outperform her in class hasn't improved things," Potter replied.

"Lie on the express?" Harry asked curiously, looking at Hermione who blushed and looked away.

"I was shy and thought everyone else knew lots of magic, OK?" she said embarrassed.

"What lie?" Ron asked.

"She said all the spells worked perfectly for her," Potter replied. "I'd already tried most of the spells and only got one out of ten right, so by asking her about it, it all came out and she never forgave me for embarrassing her like that."

"You score higher than her on tests?!" Ron demanded in shock.

"Yeah," Potter agreed matter of factly, shocking the three.

"And I'm not your friend?" Ron asked.

"You are the idiot that tries to have me thrown into Azkaban every year and calls me a dark wizard at least three times a day," Potter replied.

"What?" Ron looked horrified. "I…" his voice trailed off as he remembered how he'd acted at times to a Harry who was his best friend.

"Yeah," Potter said bluntly. "You tried to get me arrested for killing Quirrel in my first year. Tried to blame me for not rescuing your sister in my second year, and then in the death of the one who killed her. Third year you tried to get me expelled as a danger to the school, since an escaped prisoner was after me and then after the destruction of the Dementors you tried to have me arrested again. Jokes on you though, after the destruction of the Dementors, Fudge passed a law banning me from being within five miles of Azkaban."

"Hold up!" Hermione exclaimed, preventing Ron and Harry from asking half a dozen questions all at once. "Let's go some place quiet... with a chalkboard, so I can figure this out."

"If you don't mind," Harry said hopefully, knowing he didn't like to be ordered around.

"I do need to know the differences between our two worlds," Potter admitted. "Let's find an unused classroom I know of and we can exchange stories."

The four entered Hogwarts and dodged the now adoring fans of the Boy Who Lived by using several unused dusty hallways to reach a schoolroom that had been used to teach literature sometime in the thirties.

"Dobby," Potter called out, causing two elves to appear and eye one another.

Much like with the two Harrys, the two Dobbys were readily different with one being at least half a foot taller and in much better condition, though dressed in neon orange coveralls like a prisoner on a chain gang.

"Cool," Ron said on seeing the taller Dobby's clothes.

"Master Harry, if I may be so bold, a name change might be in order," the new Dobby said, his voice sounding a little like Morgan Freeman if he'd been sucking helium.

"You is bonded to Master Harry Potter sir," Dobby said in wonder.

"Dobbins came to me after the death of his old master and asked to be sworn to my service," Potter told them after a brief moment of thought on what Dobby's new name should be. "He was a great deal of help during my second year, so I couldn't refuse him."

"Why do you two look so healthy compared to us?" Harry asked.

"Fuck you, that's how," Potter said with a grin.

"Very droll, sir," the newly christened Dobbins said dryly before breaking out in a large grin.

"Dobbins decided he wanted to be a proper English butler, at least in the way he speaks," Potter explained. "Dobbins, would you mind cleaning the room and giving us some lunch?"

"In Hogwarts, Dobby be getting lunch," Dobby said firmly.

"Tea and biscuits to start," Dobbins said. "Lunch proper can wait until after they finish talking. I'll clean while you do that."

Dobby smiled widely and vanished with a pop. While Dobbins started walking around the room, banishing dust with the wave of his hand and occasionally repairing something with a complex gesture.

"Aren't you going to explode now?" Ron cautiously asked Hermione, knowing how she felt about bonded house elves.

"Dobbins is the healthiest and happiest elf I've seen so far," Hermione replied. "Slavery is wrong but obviously something else is happening here."

"Ninja vanish!" Dobbins called out throwing a small grey pellet on the ground that exploded in a flash of light and smoke, disguising his exit.

"How'd we end up in Ravenclaw?" Harry asked curiously, ignoring his two friends staring wide eyed at the slowly dispersing cloud of smoke.

"We have to start earlier than that," Hermione interrupted as she recovered. "Why didn't you end up friends with Ron?"

"No idea," Potter said with a shrug. "I did have a glamour charm up but it only made me look non-descript, but all I was doing was sitting there reading Hogwarts: A History to try and find out how the sorting was done."

"That shouldn't have changed anything," Harry said, "Ron ended up in my compartment because the others were full."

"Actually Mum said you looked like you need a friend and that you probably felt out of place coming from the muggle world," Ron admitted. "I didn't want to embarrass you by saying that and truthfully I was feeling out of place and like I could use a friend myself."

Harry smiled wistfully. "Your Mum is great."

"Yeah," Ron said blushing.

"How does not making friends with Ron equal Ravenclaw?" Hermione asked.

"Ron told me how great Gryffindor was and I'd already met Malfoy, so I knew Slytherin would be the worst house to end up in," Harry explained. "Plus my parents were Gryffindors."

"The purpose of going to Hogwarts is to learn magic, the most awesome thing even," Potter said intently. "I automatically deduct a dozen IQ points from anyone who doesn't try to get into Ravenclaw. Bravery, cunning, and loyalty have little to do with learning and the purpose of coming to school is to learn."

"Gryffindor is a great house!" Hermione exclaimed, before Ron or Harry could say anything.

"I'm not saying bravery, cunning, or loyalty are bad traits, I'm saying they have nothing to do with schoolwork," Potter explained. "Has Gryffindor bravery helped you learn more? Does your house encourage you to get better marks and become the best witch you can be?"

The three Gryffindors stood their silently.

"Admittedly Hufflepuff probably provides some encouragement, unlike Slytherin where they tear each other down trying to get ahead, but only Ravenclaw is designed to help you learn," Potter said with a shrug.

"Did you save me from the troll in first year?" Hermione asked, trying to ignore the voice in the back of her head telling her she should have listened to the hat and gone to Ravenclaw.

"The Troll never came near the Great Hall or Gryffindor, as far as I know," Potter said. "How did you need saving here?"

"I said something stupid to Harry when Hermione showed me up in class and she overheard so she was crying in the bathroom, when me and Harry went to get her the Troll was there," Ron said. "Harry jumped on its back and shoved his wand up its nose, and I dropped its club on its head, knocking it out."

"Hermione lied to keep us out of trouble and we became friends," Harry said with a grin.

"I don't have any classes with Gryffindor, so he didn't say anything to me to upset you," Potter told her.

"Did you run into Voldemort in the forest killing unicorns?" Harry asked.

"Never went into the forest unless I had a Professor with me," Potter replied.

"I was given detention that I had to serve in the Forbidden Forest at night to find out what was killing the unicorns," Harry explained. "I ended up fighting Voldemort and was saved by a centaur."

"I spent my spare time first year learning about how to maintain, repair, and improve brooms," Potter said. "If I wasn't studying, I was flying."

"Sounds brilliant," Harry said and even Ron looked interested.

"I don't think we have classes in that," Hermione said.

"We don't, but I've loved flying ever since I first got on a broom, so I talked to Miss Hooch and got permission to help with broom maintenance. That allowed me to test fly all the brooms," Potter said with a grin. "Naturally I wanted to make them fly better and faster, so I did a lot of studying and learned what I needed to make it happen."

"I got on the quidditch team first year," Harry offered, though it didn't sound nearly as impressive now.

"Bet that cuts into your flying time," Potter said with a wince.

"Flying patterns can get dull," Harry admitted, "but it's fun flying with friends."

"I had only one friend and she was killed the year before last," Potter said softly. "But I don't like to talk about that. What else happened that year?"

"Smuggled a dragon out to my brother in Romania," Ron offered. "Hagrid hatched it in his hut."

"Dumbledore got permission for Hagrid to raise it in my world," Potter said. "OK, Hagrid and Sprout's classes may actually take some bravery to learn," he joked getting a laugh from the three.

"We also stopped Voldemort from getting the Philosopher's Stone," Ron said proudly.

"Did Dumbledore stop him in your world?" Hermione asked.

"No, it was me," Potter said as Dobbins laid out tea for everyone and vanished with another smoke bomb. "I was visiting Fluffy, as Hagrid had introduced me to him so I could brush his fur in exchange for loose hair and toenail clippings-"

"Why would you want that?" Ron mumbled around a cookie.

"Potions ingredients for broom care," Potter replied. "Anyway music started playing and Fluffy fell asleep. I saw Quirrel sneaking in, but he didn't see me with Fluffy between us, and I heard some suspicious mutterings about resurrecting his master and ruling the world, so naturally I went to inform the Headmaster."

"But the Headmaster was gone and McGonagall threatened you with detention," Harry guessed.

"Yeah, Quirrell was skilled with compulsion charms, so she didn't listen to a word I said," Potter said. "Naturally that meant I had to go after him."

"She was under compulsion?!" Hermione demanded.

"Yeah, I mentioned her behavior and Dumbledore told me why she'd acted that way," Potter explained. "So I had to go myself."

"You beat all the challenges yourself?" Hermione asked surprised, pausing in her writing on the chalkboard.

"Lighting up my wand, to see where I was, drove off the Devil's Snare," Potter said. "Using a broom to catch a key was easy and I used the same broom to fly over the chessboard. Quirrell had killed the troll so I didn't have to deal with that."

"How about the logic puzzle?" Hermione asked.

"I cheated," Potter admitted. "I poured them all out and waited to see which ones would refill."

"They wouldn't make the poisons refill since they only needed someone to drink them once," Hermione realized, making a note of that on the alternate timeline she was writing on the board.

"And it was easy to figure out the right one from the only two that were left," Potter agreed.

"And you destroyed the stone so Voldemort wouldn't get it and burned Quirrel to death with your touch," Harry guessed.

"I didn't burn Quirrel to death," Potter said shaking his head. "I used my blood and a chunk of stone to make a crude bludger that bashed in his skull."

"Wasn't that complicated?" Hermione asked.

"Three simple runes made it attempt to destroy everything, but me, as my blood formed the runes. Took out Quirrel, the mirror, and was busy destroying the pillars supporting the ceiling when Dumbledore arrived." Potter sighed. "The old man has some fast reflexes and managed to stop it before it could kill him or bring the ceiling down on me."

"That was reckless!" Hermione exclaimed wide eyed.

"I figured I was already dead; Voldemort had me, so I wanted to take him with me," Potter explained. "And of course when word leaked out that I'd killed a Professor and almost killed Dumbledore, so Ron Weasley reported me to the Aurors."

"Sorry," Ron offered lamely.

"I won't hold your double's actions against you," Potter told him.

"Thanks," Ron and Harry chorused.

"There was an investigation and quite a few things came out," Potter said.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I'm sorry I couldn't save your stone," Potter told the Flammels. "But I think I know how to recover it!"

The old, old, old couple chuckled. "Kid," the old man said, "that's not the only stone we had. We've had centuries to make more."

"So you aren't going to die?" Potter asked hopefully.

"We've chosen to do so, rather than tempt any more dark lords," the old woman said with a smile. "But it's not because of you or your actions."

"After over half a millennium we've squeezed life for all it's worth," the old man said. "It's time to see what death has to offer."

Harry thought about that for a second. "I've already got a Dark Lord after me, got any notes on how to use the stone?"

The old couple laughed so hard they had to wipe tears of laughter from their eyes.

"I like you, kid," the old man said. "You got balls."

"When they drop I have feeling they'll leave craters in the ground," the old woman teased.

"We'll leave you some books in our will," the old man promised. "But to give you a hint, the stone is like a still."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"The Flammels assured me they were eager to die and could easily make another stone, but chose not to. The Goblins said they were still alive when I left. Last I heard they were planning to go out with a bang and were experimenting with long range portkeys," Potter said, not telling them of the details of his meeting with them.

"So I didn't kill them?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Nope," Potter assured him, "And Quirrel was as good as dead once he was possessed, so even that was a mercy killing if you don't consider self defense a valid reason to put him down."

"How about second year?" Harry asked changing the subject.

Potter winced. "Second year I gained my first real friend... and then I lost her," Potter said quietly.

"We can skip-" Harry began, figuring Potter was still broken up over Ginny's death.

"No," Potter interrupted him," I might as well get it out of the way now. Second year saw the Chamber of Secrets opened and I found a mentor in our new Defense Professor."

The trio stared at him in horror.

"What?" he asked.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	3. Chapter 3

"Please tell me you're joking," Harry begged.

"Why?" Potter asked.

"Because that wanker Lockhart was a complete fraud!" Ron exploded.

"Well, yeah," Potter agreed readily, much to the trio's surprise. "In defense he's completely useless, or at least he was, but there are three areas in which he is an expert. He is a master at memory spells, not just obliviate, he is extremely skilled in glamours and related spells, but most importantly... he knows how to shape public opinion."

"He used to be?" Hermione asked curiously.

"All it took was half an hour of instruction on the tactical uses of illusions and memory spells and the man became someone you wouldn't want to cross wands with," Potter said with a grin. "It was like the old wives' tales of the fae, you couldn't trust your senses or even your memories. How do you duel someone that makes you forget you are even in a duel?"

"But the man was a complete tit!" Hermione complained, making everyone laugh.

"He could be," Potter agreed readily. "But his help in dealing with my unwanted fame was brilliant. He told me my name was Harry Potter, but that there was an image of me called The Boy Who Lived that was projected everywhere I went that I had to deal with, but since it was an illusion of me, I could make it whatever I wanted."

"Huh," Harry said as he thought about it. "Did that actually work?"

"To everyone but Ron Weasley," Potter said with a shrug. "I wasn't a Gryffindor which made me a traitor somehow, his little sister started following me everywhere, and I had to use parseltongue to rescue a Puff from a snake during a dueling exhibition, so as far as he was concerned I was a dark wizard responsible for everything bad in the world."

"The Chamber of Secrets was opened," Harry said with a sigh, recalling his own second year.

"Yeah," Potter agreed. "Malfoy was running his mouth as usual, a boy stalking me with a camera was petrified, as was Peeves and the Weasley Twins, which somehow convinced Ron I was targeting his family for him speaking out about me being evil."

Ron groaned. "The other me is an idiot!"

"Other than that I had a pretty good year," Potter said with a sigh, "at least to start. I made an actual friend who thought the Boy Who Lived illusion was amusing, but preferred to spend time with Harry Potter."

Ron shivered and rubbed his arms. He'd almost lost his little sister in that mess and wasn't looking forward to hearing about a world where he had lost her. He silently gave thanks once more to Harry for being his friend, being too embarrassed to say it aloud.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Dobbins sat in an easy chair, and watched a wall of octagons that showed a complete panoramic view of the room where Harry was, from a spot just a couple of feet above his head. It took some getting used to, but laid flat against the wall they made it impossible to sneak up on his charge without his knowledge.

A pale form floated through the wall. "Dobbins, I would like to see if we could locate my local self's ghost."

"Yes, miss," Dobbins replied and watched as the view from the wall shifted, showing the halls of Hogwarts as he searched for places the young ghost would haunt.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I was perfectly happy not to be involved in whatever was going on that year and spent my time studying or flying with her. First years weren't allowed brooms and she loved to fly, so she helped me with my maintenance duties, which grew to encompass all the quidditch teams' equipment," Potter explained.

"I'm surprised you could stand to be around bludgers after nearly getting killed by one," Hermione said.

"It was even worse than that," Potter said. "My cousin Dudley found out what had happened from Madam Pomphrey, who'd stopped by to make sure my Aunt knew not to let me injure myself, since falling stones had crushed half my body and even with magic I needed time for my bones to strengthen back up, so he decided to 'cheer' me up by making me watch the entire Phantasm series."

"I've never heard of it," Hermione said when her two best friends turned to her to find out what it was.

Potter chuckled. "It's a series of horror movies where little flying balls go around killing people," he explained.

"What are horror movies?" Ron asked.

"A scary play," Hermione explained. "That would have made it even worse."

"It did," Potter agreed. "Fortunately I had a friend who knew just what to do. She made me learn everything there was to know about bludgers and made me come up with as many variations and additional uses as I could."

"Knowledge banishes fear," Hermione quoted something she'd once read.

"Worked like a charm," Potter agreed cheerfully. "It let me concentrate on my work once more and gave me time to work on side projects, like 'what kind of fruit do Phoenix like best', and 'what are the limits on expansion charms'. My second year started off pretty quiet with the only real excitement being the heir running around petrifying people and Ron accusing me of being responsible while I ignored him and worked on my projects."

"And you didn't feel compelled to find out what was attacking everyone?" Hermione asked.

"Didn't you hear that insane voice in the pipes talking about killing and eating people?" Harry asked before Potter could answer.

"I trusted Dumbledore to solve it," Potter said. "And what voice?"

"The Basilisk traveled through the pipes and was always muttering to itself," Harry explained.

"I was never around when it was, I guess. Unless I was eating or in classes I could be found in the tower, on the Pitch, or at the library," Potter said with a shrug.

"So what happened?" Ron asked.

"Ginny Weasley turned up missing, your other self blamed me, Peeves and the Twins get petrified, and there was talk of closing the school," Potter explained.

"And that's when you decided to act," Harry said knowingly.

"No, that's when I got detention for breaking Ron's nose when he attacked me," Potter said, causing Ron to groan and smack himself in the head. "Your Ron seems a lot smarter than the one I had to deal with," Potter noted.

"I try," Hermione said with a sigh, causing Harry and Ron to stare at her for a second before bursting out in laughter as she grinned at them.

Potter shook his head and chuckled. "The most I was involved was dealing with a rogue house elf who kept giving me cryptic clues and trying to drive me off."

"Dobby," the trio chorused just as the elf showed up with plates full of food.

"What?" Dobby asked.

"Just sharing my story and how Dobbins tried to save me from Malfoy's plot in my second year," Potter explained.

"Dobby was a bad elf," Dobby admitted looking down in embarrassment.

"A poor servant maybe," Potter conceded, "but it showed my Dobbins to be a great person."

Dobby perked up and started laying out lunch for the group; butterbeer, milk, juice, sandwiches, and fresh fruit.

"Thanks, Dobby," everyone said, though Ron's was muffled through half a banana.

"I was in detention when I found out _She_ was dead," Potter said sadly. "I did not take it well."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Harry stepped into the broom shed where the school brooms were kept. He'd expanded the interior til it was the size of a classroom, with one of the Professor's help, giving him plenty of space inside for his own projects. A pair of hollow iron balls, big enough to ride in, were set against the wall, along with a dozen fist sized models he'd experimented with.

Flying on a broom was fun, flying inside a giant disillusioned bludger was even funner. He'd based them on Tie Fighters from Star Wars, which Dudley had also made him watch, since it 'kicked some serious arse and only a complete pansy doesn't like it'. Occasionally, very occasionally, Dudley was alright.

Drawing his wand he shrunk them both down to the size of a watermelon and had to pause and catch his breath before activating the enchantments placed on them. Harry stalked out of the broom shed with the balls following him, a barely visible distortion in the air marking their positions behind him.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"How'd you find out where the Chamber of Secrets was?" Hermione asked curiously.

"I didn't," Potter admitted. "I tore holes in the walls where the attacks occurred and found a number of hidden entrances to the castle's plumbing. Realizing that had to be the answer, I entered the pipes and followed the ones that showed signs something enormous had gone through it."

The three just stared at him.

"I'd have taken the castle apart brick by brick if I had to," Potter said. "She was dead, and that meant so was the one responsible, that's all there was to it."

"Good on you!" Ron said fiercely before hiding behind a sandwich, wanting Voldemort to pay for trying to kill his sister all over again.

"How'd you guess it was a Basilisk?" Hermione asked.

"Didn't," Potter said. "It was only Hogwarts' nudging things that caused people to end up looking at reflections and through ghosts and such rather than all of them dying, so I had no clue what I was facing."

"Hogwarts?" Harry asked.

"It's not sentient like we are, but it does have some form of will," Potter explained. "Basilisks aren't known for petrifying things because they don't, they simply kill. The castle's wards allowed her to influence and lessen the effect."

"That makes so much sense," Hermione said.

"She may have been a bit peeved at my making holes in her walls, but she was really pissed at something killing her students," Potter said. "I discovered a dying Ginny Weasley, an insane fifth year student, and a really big snake. The fifth year laughed and announced she was dead before sic'ing the snake on me, or rather attempting to because the snake's brain was leaking out its non-existent ears at that point and before he could react, I reduced the idiot to a bloody smear."

"How?" Hermione demanded.

"Fuck you, that's how," the Harrys chorused.

"That phrase is going to drive me mad," Hermione complained.

"The Unspeakables weren't fond of it either," Potter admitted, "but they found enough down there to keep them busy until school was back in session and except for some checks by Dumbledore to make sure I wasn't... I never did find out what, but it made him happy. Anyway, that was the end of my second year and the death of my-"

"Harry!" a blonde haired third year yelled as she entered the room. "I have breasts!" Grabbing Potter's head she smooshed it into her chest.

"Luna?!" the trio chorused in shock, as she released the stunned wizard.

"Luna?" Potter said staring into her eyes.

"I went to meet myself and it turns out I'm alive," Luna explained.

Everyone waited, but it became apparent that was all she was going to say.

"How?" Potter asked in wonder.

Luna smirked. "Fuck you, that's how."

Hermione and Luna burst out laughing at the look on his face and were quickly joined by the others.

"OK, that is annoying," Potter admitted before grabbing Luna and hugging her tightly.

"Can we go play with your balls?" she asked. "You haven't played with them since I died."

"It's no fun playing with them alone," Potter said letting her go. "We'll have to wash them first though, they're a bit dirty."

"We can use Myrtle's bathroom she won't mind," Luna said dragging him off by the hand.

"You're a complete pervert," Hermione told Harry as the three just sat there.

Harry opened his mouth to defend himself and then closed it again after a second. "Yeah," he agreed.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	4. Chapter 4

Dobbins appeared with a pop. "Master Harry and Mistress Luna should return in a couple of hours, if you'd care to wait. I could set up some movies for you to watch in the meantime."

"Hours!?" Hermione exclaimed wide eyed.

"They haven't gotten to play together in quite some time, it will be at least two, probably three," Dobbins explained.

Hermione turned and stared at Harry.

"How can you play movies here?" Harry asked nervously, trying to change the subject. "I thought electronics didn't work at Hogwarts."

"Master Harry has pensieve recordings of memories of movies he's edited," Dobbins explained.

"Really?" Hermione asked, much to Harry's relief as she was no longer staring at him.

"Shall I start you off with the Star Wars trilogy?" Dobbins asked.

"I'd like to see that," Harry said.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Faster!" Luna screamed as she raced Harry, shooting through the clouds at over two hundred miles an hour, his laughter coming through the modified wireless receiver built into the control console in front of her.

Padded seats with cushioning charms and a restraint harness made it comfortable to fly even when pulling a five G turn as they were now. A complex runic disillusion charm, carved into the metal, kept them from being seen as more than a heat shimmer in the air by anyone but each other, keeping anyone from reporting them as UFOs.

"Wanna make crop circles?" Luna asked as they raced along the surface of the ocean, leaving a massive rooster tail behind them.

"Sure," Harry agreed, so happy to have her back he'd have mooned McGonagall had she asked.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The three had just finished watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie when the pair returned, skin flushed, bits of grass in their hair, bright smiles on their faces.

"Where were we?" Potter asked, his fingers intertwined with Luna's.

"Third year," Harry said. "I'll start. I blew up Marge-"

"Really?" Potter interrupted perking up. "Reducto or explosives?"

"That's horrible!" Hermione exclaimed. "It was just accidental magic. He inflated her like a balloon."

"You didn't have that problem?" Harry asked.

"I dosed her with a potion that made dogs really like her," Potter said. "She went home early and I never saw her again."

"I'm not going to ask why," Hermione decided.

"She was gone, I didn't need to know any more," Potter agreed, "less mental scarring that way."

"My Godfather Sirius escaped from Azkaban," Harry said. "Naturally they tried to hide it from me, which was rather difficult since everyone knew and Fudge had surrounded the school with Dementors."

"That happened to me as well," Potter agreed. "It drove me to learn the Patronus and its family of associated spells from our defense teacher Remus Lupin. He was a good man despite his affliction."

"Was?" Harry asked.

"Family of spells?" Hermione asked.

"Turned out Pettigrew was alive, Sirius was likely innocent, and Lupin had been friends with both of them and our father while in school," Potter explained. "The Dementors swarmed and kissed all three, almost getting Professor Snape and Hagrid as well. I was so angry..."

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

A dozen rune encrusted, disillusioned, bludgers flew past at Harry's command, each glowing with a stored emotion given form by the Patronus charm or one of its related spells. Silver balls of joy, purple balls of despair, and red balls of rage, leaving faint lines of color behind, as they slammed into the Dementors circling the school. The battered wraiths fled from the silver balls, were drawn towards the purple ones, and flinched back from the red ones, which made it easy for Harry to herd them into a circle and obliterate them.

The Wizarding World had thought Dementors to be invulnerable, but it turned out they simply hadn't used the right combination of emotional energy and sheer trauma.

Bones shattered and robes caught fire as cantaloupe sized iron balls struck at one and a half times the speed of sound. And through it all, Harry just stood there glaring angrily at the demons.

 **0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Luna gave his hand a gentle squeeze and Potter smiled at her, breaking away from his memories.

"It was easy to see I was responsible for the Dementors' destruction, which turned out to not only be legal but something the Unspeakables were offering a hundred thousand galleon reward for. That all came out when Ron Weasley tried to report me to the Aurors once more," Potter said with a shrug.

"Can we ask how you did that?" Hermione asked.

"I'll share that secret after I collect another hundred thousand galleons," Potter said with a grin.

Ron groaned. "And the Goblet summoned you leaving all that gold behind."

"Actually I still have it all with me," Potter said cheerfully.

"I'm not asking this time," Ron said, knowing what he wanted to ask and what the answer would be.

"Much smarter than the Ron I knew," Potter said again.

Harry grinned and told Potter how things had happened at his Hogwarts, showing him the Marauder's Map and explaining everything he'd found out.

"You guys are completely insane," Potter said. Turning to Harry he said, "Your balls are almost as big as mine."

"Hey-" Hermione was just about to leap to Harry's defense when she realized she didn't know what to say and that both Harry and Ron were waiting to find out as well.

Seeing that the blushing witch wasn't going to say anything more Ron nodded. "You walked straight up to a dragon's nest and picked up an egg, having balls almost that big isn't an insult."

"And the crazy?" Harry asked with a grin.

"You're Gryffindors, it's expected," Luna assured him, getting a laugh from everyone.

"See if you can get Sirius or Remus to make a copy of the map please," Potter said. "I have a feeling it'll come in handy."

"Sorry about the Tournament," Harry said.

Potter waved it off and squeezed Luna's hand. "It's a small price to pay," he said honestly.

"I've been dealing with Voldemort year after year," Harry said with a sigh. "This is just one more of his plots."

"Still worth it," Potter assured him.

"We better go speak with Flitwick so we can get you scheduled for classes and room at the tower," Luna told him.

"Probably a good idea," Potter agreed. "Think I can claim to be a third year and join your class?" he asked Luna.

"Not like they can prove you aren't," she agreed as they left.

"Looks like you'd be doing a lot better if you never met me," Ron said sadly, as the two boys looked at the chart Hermione had made comparing the two Harrys and their lives.

"Sure, it'd only cost the lives of five people and leave me without a friend in the world," Harry noted.

"What?" Ron asked confused.

"Potter only had one friend and she was killed his second year," Hermione pointed out. "You have no idea what it's like having not a single friend in the world."

"It sucks," Harry said flatly. "I may not be able to make dragons faint at my approach, but I'm a lot happier than he was before he got his friend back and I still have my Godfather."

The three fell silent, looking at the chart of the two lives and seeing the loneliness Potter had suffered through.

"Anyone going to ask how Luna knows him even though she's the Luna from this world?" Hermione asked.

"No," Harry and Ron chorused.

"Yeah, that's probably for the best," Hermione agreed.

"I... think we should study more," Ron said with a sigh.

"What?" the pair chorused confused by the comment coming out of left field, not to mention Ron suggesting studying.

"We've been lucky, he hasn't," Ron tried to explain what he was thinking. "He's had people die on him… a lot. We can't rely on luck forever, so unless we want to lose people, we better start studying and learning what we can."

"Yeah," Harry nodded slowly, not having a problem with studying more, as long as he had his friends with him. Hearing what his other self had gone through and remembering what it had been like to have no friends made him appreciate them all the more.

Hermione made a happy noise and tackled the two in a hug that knocked them to the floor.

 **Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


End file.
